Advice to Intuitives from an INFJ Witch

If you’re one of the rare personality types which have the dominant cognitive function of Introverted Intuition (Ni) then this article is the advice you probably need to hear.

The two personality types I’m referring to (but this can apply to other types who tap into intuition) are the INFJ and INTJ. I’m the former and currently dating the latter (hopefully ongoing I must say).

Because it’s early days in the relationship, I haven’t necessarily wanted to talk about some things which may have left me with PTSD. Discussing trauma and uncontrollably sobbing is not sexy or fun so I ended up being a bit cagey around previous attachments.

Him being an INTJ immediately knew I was leaving things out and assumed it was because I still had feelings for someone.

I have feelings alright but they are mostly fear and revulsion. Generally though, I’m trying to repress the trauma so I can work on it gradually and rebuild my life. I don’t want to be reminded, however trauma is very patient and waits for you, ready to come rushing to the fore as soon as you look at it.

Intuition is a funny thing because it will ping on a very subtle and almost intangible level. It makes itself impossible to ignore and niggles at you like an insatiable itch. Intuition will prompt the question, but it cannot always provide an answer.

Intuitive types can be like a dog with a bone; unable to let it go until they get an answer. Sometimes they think they already know the answer and keep hammering away at the subject from that angle, determined to uncover the truth.

This creates a perfect storm.

He wanted his intuition validated and wouldn’t leave the subject alone which in turn triggered my PTSD and caused me to launch into fight-or-flight.

The only resolution came when I provided screenshots and details about things which happened to me which left me so upset I almost ended things.

No one likes false accusations.

No one likes being kept in the dark.

It’s an impossible situation but we managed to work through it.

My advice to intuitives?

Just because you know something is amiss, doesn’t mean it;

  1. Is Your business
  2. Has anything to do with you
  3. Necessarily is what you think is going on

Sometimes you just need to leave people alone and let them do their thing. Persisting on exposing the truth no matter what can damage trust and relationships. It can also make you look very insensitive and if the truth is not what you assumed it was (because intuition is not knowledge as such) then you can end up feeling terrible.

Learn to let it go.

This is a balancing act because there are times you need to act on intuition and times when it probably doesn’t matter.

Whatever the case, never assume that you have figured out the answer without more information. By all means distance yourself from people who you feel unable to trust, but don’t get into harsh judgments. There might be more to it than you can see.

You don’t have to validate your intuition every time.

What No One Tells You Before You Become a Witch

Almost two years ago I wrote a blog article about the signs which indicate you’re destined for the path of witchcraft. I followed it up a year later with a companion video on my YouTube channel and recently I got a comment on the video which prompted me to revisit the subject once more…

 

The comment stated that it is not necessary to have signs in order to choose the path of witchcraft. That’s very true. Anyone can make the choice to explore witchcraft for themselves at any stage of life and probably find a meaningful addition to life. Also, witchcraft doesn’t just make itself available for you, it’s something you have to actively pursue for yourself.

But…

There’s two things you should probably know.

  1. For some people, it is inevitable that they will deviate from the norm and end up taking the road less travelled.
  2. If you choose a path like witchery, you’re going to need certain traits in order to deal with the fallout.

These are the things which are not always mentioned until you’re in the middle of it.

Usually, if you’re happy to be one of the herd, you’re unlikely to choose such an anti-establishment journey. Being safe, content and oblivious are the key ingredients to staying enmeshed in the system. When you cannot be content with the basics, if you see too much, or if you go through great struggles, you won’t be able to turn a blind eye and follow the flock of sheeple blindly accepting rules which keep them imprisoned.

To recap some of the more significant signs you’re likely to choose witchcraft:

  • Curiosity
  • Intuition
  • Psychic Abilities
  • Too Empathic
  • Introspective
  • Highly Sensitive
  • Authentic
  • Backbone

As you can see, these are the traits of a person who is not just a follower, but is someone prepared to do what is right, even if it means doing it alone.

Traits like this will make you incredibly unpopular, maybe even ostracised by peer groups or society at large. Other people will find you triggering because you shine a light on their shadow and they would rather pretend that it doesn’t exist.

You won’t be able to fit in. The box is too small.

If you think that witchcraft is going to save you from being this way, I can tell you now it will only make it more pronounced. You’ll have even less tolerance for BS. You won’t be very good at keeping your mouth shut. You’ll be even more unpalatable to people who’re invested in a toxic system.

Witchcraft is not going to make your life easier. It’ll demand a great deal of courage, accountability and resolve. Like Alice down the rabbit hole, or swallowing the red pill; once you wake up you cannot go back to sleep.

Welcome to the dark night of the soul.

Sacred Foods of the Pagans

In almost every religious practice around the world is an element of prescriptive diet. Most religions tell their followers what NOT to eat, such as Muslims and Jewish people not eating pork, Hindus observing at least one meat-free day per week, or Mormons not having caffeine and alcohol.

Why are most religions so strict about what people put in their mouths? Some of it, such as the tradition of Lent, is about observing self-denial in order to appease an angry God or to make a plea for something.

A lot of structured religion also tends to be like a controlling parent who doesn’t trust their child to make good choices on their own. The parent believes that if they don’t tell the child what is good for them, the child will make a fatal mistake and ruin their own lives. Not eating pork in a hot environment was pretty good advice because of the dangerous parasites present in the meat, however for cold Scandinavian countries there was very little risk and pork was a dominant part of the traditional diet.

How does a spiritual practice such as Paganism deal with a topic such as this? Certainly pagan practices are not usually prescriptive or demanding in such a way, and some things which would be denied in other religions (such as alcohol) are actually an integral part of the practice.

The first thing is: you’re more than welcome to design your own diet, whether that is carnivorous, gluten free, vegan or raw juice. It doesn’t really matter in terms of your spirituality (although lots of online content will tell you what is “correct” in terms of food) and the only important thing you need to know is how your diet works for you in terms of health. The rest is personal choice.

Fasting

Like other religions, fasting does feature in Pagan practice because it creates an energetic shift within the body. Some people find it “cleansing” for both body and soul, but ultimately it is denial of the physical needs in order to create a sacred space within.

Fasting can mean different things: it can be giving up sugar, meat, alcohol or restricting calories while maintaining the same diet as usual. It can also be abstaining from sex, so it doesn’t have to be just about food.

Ecology

Because Paganism is generally a nature-based religious practice, so caring about the environment is pretty central. What that looks like in your craft may evolve over time or change with your needs. Some people opt to be vegan or vegetarian, but those are not automatically superior from an environmental perspective.

Reducing plastic, opting for organic and staying away from monoculture are big steps you can take towards contributing to the environment. I’ve been working on becoming zero waste and it isn’t easy, but it is an ideal I want to move towards.

Creating your own garden can be an entire witchcraft practice in it’s own right. Druidry is all about trees, so creating a food forest is an amazing way to observe your spirituality. No matter where you live, you can grow food in pots for personal use. This can also be an act of emancipation from money to grow your own food.

I highly recommend permaculture and I know it works really well in small spaces so even suburban gardens can produce abundance.

Ritual

Food is central to a lot of ritual. Just think about the Christian Eucharist and it makes a lot of sense that imbibing certain things can be representative of other things.

Sharing food in general with other people creates community and bonding.

Food is also a great way of grounding after ritual and placing your consciousness back into your body.

For witches, the end of a ritual usually involves “Cakes and Ale” which is a biscuity/cakey treat paired with some form of alcohol. Typically, when the coven shares the plate and cup they wish one another to always have their fill in life.

Offerings

A common feature on the altar is offerings to the deities. This can take the form of actual money, vases of flowers, nips of alcohol or foods.

What sort of offering you make depends greatly on who you’re making the offer to and for what purpose. Sometimes an offering isn’t to a deity at all, but rather a visual example of the abundance from harvest time, which reminds people to have gratitude.

Sacred Foods

For pagans, the Wheel of the Year is the circular calendar of festivals centred around the agricultural cycle. It celebrates harvest times and seasons with the use of feasts and fire.

Certain foods and ferments are synonymous with particular festivals, such as pumpkins at Samhain and summer fruits or berries at Litha.

Druids venerated the bee as a sacred animal so they use honey and honey mead in their practice. Keeping a hive or encouraging bees with plantings is a very ecological thing to do as well as Druidic.

The Greek pantheon is often referenced by Wiccans and they had certain foods associated with particular gods. Persephone is represented by the pomegranate which also symbolises fertility; Bacchus is synonymous with grapes and the subsequent production of wine; Demeter was goddess of the harvest and associated with wheat sheaves.

If you have a particular deity you connect with, there may be an associated food which can be used as a method of connection.

Components of Ritual

What are all the Elements required to perform a ritual?

If you haven’t yet been part of a ritual practice, or if you are trying to figure out how to create one of your own, it can be a daunting proposition. One of the easiest places to start is within a coven or an order who can teach you how they do their particular brand of rituals.

How you conduct a ritual really depends on what it is that you’re trying to accomplish. There’s no such thing as “right” or “wrong” so much as the right set of ingredients for what you’re creating. It’s kind of like baking; you wouldn’t leave out sugar if you’re making a cake, but it’s not something you would put in Yorkshire Pudding.

The first place I was exposed to the art of ritual was within the Anglican Church. My family attended a very old-school place where the service was sung (thankfully not in Latin) and all of the most traditional aspects used such as piped organ music, a fully robed choir, incense swung from a brass burner, and the sacrament of bread and wine.

Of course there were many components which make up the church ritual including taking an oath, “passing the peace” which is basically sharing a blessing and positive energy with everyone there, invoking the spirit, unburdening the conscience, and raising energy through song.

In the mediumship training I undertook, there would be a pre-session meditation designed to change our frequencies so that we could channel other dimensions. The frequencies were literally assigned a number, basic everyday function was set at 9, while a channeling state was set at a minimum of 22 but usually something like 33.

We were not supposed to draw on our own energy because that would be exhausting. Instead, we had to align with a higher state and tap into that source of energy in order to hold a connection with spirits who had crossed over. It still used a lot of energy to do that, but was nowhere near as taxing as using our own, or worse… stealing it from people around us. A post-session grounding had to be done as well to disconnect and return to normal.

When I joined the Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids, their rituals were very similar to the Wiccan style of the coven I later joined. The basics of a pagan ritual are set out down below:

  • Cleansing the Space: this is usually done with a besom and gets rid of unwanted energy before you begin. You metaphorically sweep out the space in circular motions and cast it outwards.
  • Casting a circle: this can be with just your finger or with a wand, but you draw an invisible line of energy around the perimeter of your sacred space in a clockwise direction to shut out anything you don’t want and to contain any energies you do want.
  • Blessing the participants: anointing the members of the coven with either oil or ash placed on their third eye before they enter the circle helps to open up their psychic senses.
  • Blessing the Altar: all of your sacred tools would be on an altar, usually positioned in the East, as well as any offerings. You bless this space with the four elements of Earth (salt), Air (incense), Fire (candle) and Water (literally water). You would also invoke the God/Goddess if you work with any, a candle to represent each.
  • Blessing the Space and Invoking the Elements: those four elements used at the altar are then cast in a clockwise directions around the circle.
  • Calling the Quarters: this is the part when you face the five directions; North (earth and body), South (fire and will), East (air and mind), West (water and emotions) and Centre (spirit and the heavens).
  • The ritual itself would be performed after this establishment of sacred space and energy.
  • At the end of your ritual there would be a sharing of “cakes and ale” which does not have to be alcoholic or contain gluten. You would also pass the plate and cup between one-another with a blessing to the person you’re passing onto. This portion is rather similar to the Christian practice of “passing peace” and the Eucharist.
  • After that the circle is opened and normal chatter may resume.

As you can see, the main purpose of most ritual whether it is Christian, Pagan or Spiritualist is usually to channel higher energies and reconnect ourselves with spirit. The post ritual supper is also very important because it returns you to the present physical realm so that you can go back to normal.

What you do within the ritual will often vary depending on your objective, but here are the basics you can use to set an intention or channel different energies:

  • Music: this can be in the form of drums, singing, bowls or other instruments. It should always be a live version since recorded sound does not have the resonance needed to accomplish anything. Rhythm is also a key component since it has been proven to affect brainwaves and assist people in achieving trance states.
  • Dancing: never underestimate the need to physically move in order to raise energy. It can be as simple as a conga-line, stamping feet or clapping hands. The wilder forms of magic based on nature spirits needs abandonment of the ego in the form of free-movement.
  • Chanting: again, using the voice and certain tones of resonance will invoke particular energies, but also the words are vital. Chanting has the effect of both stating your intention and then aligning your energy to it.
  • Adornment: how you dress is also of consideration. Your appearance should be pleasing but not disrespectful. Ritualistic washing is sometimes done before the main ritual so that you enter the space cleansed of other energies. The colours you wear, jewellery, makeup etc all play a role in the ritual. Like warriors painting themselves before battle, it can also serve to change your state of mind before the ritual.
  • Fire and Water: often when we practice ritual we only use small amounts of the elements, however a proper cauldron fire for burnt offerings or the submersion into water have a bigger impact.
  • Location: this can really affect the dynamic of a ritual. For example, a cave ritual is very different to a beach ritual and they will serve different purposes.
  • Celestial Events: it can be just as crucial to consider the movement of the heavens when it comes to timing a ritual. Most pagan practices revolve around the Sabbats (Wheel of the Year festivals) and the Esbats (full moons). However, a new moon may serve your purpose better than a full moon, or an alignment between planets might be especially auspicious. A date on the calendar might also have meaning for you.
  • Offerings: your offerings to spirit can take many forms and should be in alignment with either the occasion or the purpose. You may just be expressing gratitude and so an offering of bread and flowers is used, or you may be setting an intention in which case paper written with the intention is used and a combination of herbs and spices included. Some (more serious) rituals call for bodily fluids which can be tears, blood or sex fluids. Whatever your offering is, it’s supposed to be you parting with something of value.

A ritual, at its most basic form, is an exchange of energy. What you put out you theoretically get back so the more time, attention to detail, and effort you make; the better the outcome.

I find it useful to spend time preparing for a ritual by meditating on what my objective is and what elements will align with that. When I have a clear plan in my head I can start designing the ritual and gathering all the ingredients as well as setting up the space and waiting for the right astrological alignments.

Litha | The Pagan Summer Solstice

When the sun sets on the longest day of the year, pagans gather to celebrate for a variety of reasons. In the Northern Hemisphere it falls on the 21st of June and in the Southern Hemisphere it falls on the 22nd of December.

We know that the solstice celebrations are an important milestone on the Pagan Wheel of the Year and were actively celebrated by ancient peoples at sites such as Stonehenge. The summer solstice marked the point of descent halfway through the light half of the year where agriculture would start to wind down and preparations must be made to survive the winter.

But before that, it was vital to give thanks to the gods for the bounty of the spring and summer months. Flowers, fruits, honey and leafy greens were paired with wines and ciders to refresh the palate on a hot summer day.

Bonfires at the beach would be lit and serve as a beacon to gather the community who may choose to stay up late enough to watch the sun both set and rise once more.

Playing in the water, feeling the sun on your naked skin and paying homage to the masculine deity of the sun god also feature in Litha rituals. A sun-disc can be incorporated as part of your altar decorations, or perhaps something of a phallic nature would be entirely appropriate as well as offerings of fruit and alcohol.

It’s a time of ripening, a time of sexual prowess, and a time of bountiful excess.

Feel at liberty to luxuriate in the sensual nature of Litha.

The Pagan Feast of Yule

Also known as the Winter Solstice…

The Pagans celebrate a number of different festivals throughout the year, but none have quite the cultural history that Yule does.

Traditional Celtic, Nordic and European cultures structured their lives around an agricultural calendar which modern pagans call The Wheel of the Year. It marks eight distinct seasonal celebrations; four fire festivals, two equinoxes and two solstices. The one we’re going to explore in this article is the Winter Solstice, which occurs around the 21st of December in the Northern Hemisphere and June 22nd in the South.

In the Scandinavian and Germanic countries, Christmas is still called Jule (pronounced Yule) and indeed, a lot of what we know to be traditions of Christmas are far more pagan in their origins than Christian. After all, the church had to try and sell a new mainstream religion to a society which had ingrained generational practices they would not easily forego.

The actual time of the birth of Jesus (that a historical person existed is actually supported by documentation, whether he was the Christ incarnate is open to speculation) is unknown but a lot of theologians estimate it was probably in March, so why was it amalgamated with the winter solstice?

That has a lot to do with the main theme of the festival; The Return of the Sun.

A lot of people would expect that a celebration marking the shortest day and longest night of the year would be about death, however it is the exact opposite. The solstice marks a turning point from the darkest days of the year, to a time when the sun starts to come back and warm the earth once more.

This fits into a lot of myths similar to the Christ story, such as the legend of King Arthur. A lot of people had faith that when things were at their darkest, a leader would be born who carries an eternal light which can guide people out of it. At the winter solstice pagans believe that a Child of Light is released from the darkness of a cave and he’s known as Mabon.

Mabon is also a separate celebration of the Autumn Equinox and the legend goes that the Child of Light is born at this time, but is stolen away and seconded in a dark cave. His mother grieves for him and the earth withers in response, rather like the legend of Persephone and Demeter from Greek mythology. Eventually she finds him and he is released at the time of Yule.

For an agricultural society, seasons and their timing were of vital importance and they looked to the skies for patterns they could recognise in order to keep track. As part of this, standing stones were often built in alignment with the solstices and large gatherings would be held to mark those auspicious events.

We know a lot about the celebration of winter solstice thanks to Stonehenge.

In recent years archaeologists have examined the isotopes in pig bones over 4000 years old found at various settlement sites surrounding Avebury and Stonehenge. They discovered that all the bones in question were killed at a specific time of the year, namely the middle of winter. They also discovered that those pigs had lived all their lives in various areas of the British Isles as far away as the north of Scotland. They concluded that people of the Neolithic in Britain would muster their excess livestock, take them all the way to Salisbury Plain, slaughter them and enjoy a large feast in celebration of the winter solstice.

What makes them think it was specifically held on the solstice? Because even to this day the stones perfectly mark the rising and setting suns of both the winter and summer solstices. In the winter solstice, the sun will set in direct alignment with the south-west trilithon and it will rise again directly in the middle of the south-east trilithon. The alignment is so perfect it still baffles scholars to this day as to how they did it.

The main reason why livestock were slaughtered in large numbers at this time of year was to put less pressure on feeding them from grain and hay stores. All they really needed were the good breeding stock, especially the pregnant animals, in order to replenish their numbers in the coming spring. Again, there was a lot of practical consideration for agricultural needs behind a lot of the festivals.

The Plants of Yule

Asides from the livestock management side of Yule, there was a lot of symbolism in plants which have carried over into Christmas, where their meaning is a bit obscured.

Evergreen plants were venerated at this time of year because it was generally so bleak and lifeless. Coniferous plants, holly and mistletoe featured as decoration in the home as symbols of hope for the return of life to the land. Holly in particular symbolises the battle between the Oak King and the Holly King for supremacy of the wheel of the year. At the summer solstice the Holly King is triumphant and the world descends into the dark half of the year, then at the winter solstice the Oak King is victorious and virility is restored.

The Oak King is also sometimes portrayed as the Green Man and both Holly and Oak Kings can be considered split personalities of the horned god, Cernunnos.

Male fertility is a recurring theme in Yule and you may be surprised to know what kissing under the mistletoe actually means. This information will either put you off doing it, or spur you on…

For the druids, mistletoe was a plant associated with divine male fertility because it resembles… issue. That is, it hangs from the boughs of trees like god-jizz.

Being a plant which grows from above the ground after being excreted by birds and forming a parasitic attachment to a host tree, it was considered to be sent from the heavens and so retrieving it was a ceremony in and of itself. The High Druid would climb the host tree and cut down the mistletoe with a golden sickle. This represented the feminine deity (the moon goddess) harvesting the seed of the god in order to create new life. Kissing underneath the bough of a tree laden with mistletoe was believed to bring fertility to the couple and make the man more potent.

The Yule Log

Another tradition was the Yule Log. This was the largest possible log a household could find, and outdoor fires were not a thing at this celebration, so it had to fit the family hearth whilst also lasting a full 12 days of burning.

The ritual goes that in the lead-up to Yule the log would have pride of place on the family table where it would receive sprinklings of libations (alcohol) along with wishes for the season ahead. On the evening of the solstice it would be lit from a piece saved from last year’s log and then kept burning for 12 days which ended up about the 1st of January. At that point a piece would be saved for the next year.

This ceremony was believed to bring plenty of food, good fortune and warmth to the household for the rest of the year.

Eat, Drink and be Merry!

Very little has changed about a lot of the traditions we now associate with Christmas, especially the feasting. Whether a pagan is marking this event in December or June, the most important thing is to gather friends and family together for a good time when the season can be at its bleakest.

Traditional foods are roast meats (especially pigs and ducks), fermented vegetables, starchy goods, preserved fruit, nuts and… booze! For a real winter warmer, try making a mulled wine or mulled cider to go with whatever feast you have planned.

Cheers!

The Truth Behind Twin Flame Telepathy

What you need to know if you’re on a Twin Flame journey, especially in the separation phase.

There are a lot of websites and videos which explore the Twin Flame dynamic and I guess I’m one of them. One of the signs which comes up frequently when people are trying to research what the hell is happening to them is the phenomenon of telepathy.

Even though it’s usually listed as a sign, and it is a very powerful thing to experience, it is by no means restricted to a Twin Flame relationship. Don’t worry though, I’m not here to say that you aren’t experiencing what you’re experiencing.

The one big sign that you have encountered your twin is that you’ll be confused as hell and trying to find answers because it is both a very strong connection and very volatile one (hence the label). I’ve heard all kinds of horror stories about where it can end up if the two people in question are not working on their respective issues and a lot of psychic readers will tell you it’s just a karmic partner etc.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter whether they’re karmic, twin or soul mate; every relationship happens to teach you more about love and about yourself. There is also no real hierarchy of which one is better than the other; they can all become detrimental if you fail to recognise the lessons and respond to them.

It’s also no a given that you’re supposed to be in a long-term relationship with your twin; it might be one of the most karmic encounters you can have and pretty short-lived, but if it propels you forward in your journey towards alchemising pain into experience, then it has served it’s purpose.

In terms of telepathy, there is a very significant reason why this happens and why it isn’t necessarily a good sign as many would imagine it to be.

Yes, it is a strong connection. Does the strength of a connection determine whether it’s healthy though?

Technically, if it did, trauma bonding would be the best sign of relationship success and we would all be aiming to experience Stockholm Syndrome with every partner.

How is Telepathy Established

In my experience, you can have telepathy with a variety of relationships and not always for the right reasons. For example, you can have a telepathic relationship with a parent if they enmeshed with you as a child. You can also have a telepathic relationship with any partner if you’re an open enough empath.

I once dated a guy who was absolutely the worst dude for me, but I have such an intense empath gift that when I heard my phone go off with a new message a year after we broke up, I still knew it was him.

Four years after cutting contact with my mother I knew she was thinking about making contact two weeks before she actually did.

This is not a sign that these people are supposed to be in my life, this is a sign that I either have a very strong gift, or I had very enmeshed relationships. Possibly both.

What is Enmeshment?

In psychology terms, enmeshment is a process of abuse done by parents to children and it breaches their boundaries in very fundamental ways.

Generally speaking, enmeshment happens in one of two ways, or a combinations of the two: Parentification & Emotional Incest

These can be very confronting ideas so I’ll explain how they work.

Parentification

This is a dynamic where the parent abdicates their position of parent and places it on the shoulders of their child, demanding that the child look after them instead.

Because the roles are flipped, the parent gets to behave in very volatile and childish ways while the child has to mature and take responsibility in ways which they are not yet equipped to do.

As an example, I can remember holding “meetings” with my brother about how best we should handle our unstable mother at the ages of 8 and 14 respectively. It was kind of pointless though because she had all the adult capabilities of money and power of attorney so she could totally do reckless things whenever she wanted and then later blame us and dish out abuse.

Emotional Incest

This is similar to parentification in that the child is forced into a role they’re not equipped to take on, but in this instance it is as an emotional crutch and pseudo-partner for the parent.

No actual physical relationship takes place, but all of the emotional markers are there and it’s a level of intimacy which is considered to cross a significant line between parent and child.

Usually what it looks like is a parent complaining about their partner to the child or sharing stories about their sex life. It can also be a case of walking around naked in front of the child or insisting that the parent is allowed to see them naked past an age where this is necessary.

Both of these cross barriers in the psyche of the child and leave them vulnerable to further breaches in other relationships because it blurs the line between where one person ends and the other person begins.

How are Twin Flames Enmeshed?

Of all the twin dynamics I have seen, all of them have been codependent in some way. This is understandable if you consider that a natural twin would be easily confused about where the line is that separates them from the other person. The energetic frequency is too similar, which is why that person feels like home straight away.

Because of the instant bond, a lot of twins fall into an intense relationship almost off the bat. Unlike a balanced and healthy dynamic of proceeding with caution, they’re often guilty of love-bombing which creates a chemical dependency known as love addiction.

There’s a level of dopamine rewards in your brain which is optimal in a relationship and it’s there to ensure that you shut down (to a certain extent) the logical brain so that you will procreate. Evolution has made sure that we don’t overthink it too much.

This dopamine dependency is such a rush that it makes you addicted to that person. How do I know this is true? Because if you’re reading this, you have probably felt like you were going to die without that person in your life and you will be engaging in all sorts of junkie-like behaviours such as stalking their social media, pleading with them to stay or come back, and watching copious amounts of YouTube tarot readings.

You’re a goddamn crack-ho.

But it’s ok, because you can break the addiction and potentially have a great relationship later on (but not necessarily with your TF).

Can You Un-Do Enmeshment?

One of the reasons I believe Twin Flames (TF) end up in enmeshed relationships at first (don’t forget you can totally heal past this point in the separation phase) is that the connection is already established from having shared an over-soul of origin. Rather like actual birth twins, sharing that space during your genesis creates a bond at an energetic level rather like quantum entanglement.

Unlike a lot of the theory out there (and please remember; this is ALL theory because no one actually knows anything at all except their subjective experience) I believe that this entanglement can be either reduced or even severed.

One of the reasons I think this is possible is due to the idea that empaths tend to leak energy (so to speak). They’re an open circuit which means that energy tends to flow through them and straight into other people rather than staying within their own closed system.

They’re also highly receptive of other people which is why they absorb so much emotional off-gassing in public spaces.

This ability to be a conduit is both a gift and a curse because it can be used in very powerful ways or the empath themselves can just end up used. The person in possession of the gift needs to be the one in control of it’s use and not allow others to take over.

For TF’s usually one of them is already on a spiritual journey when they encounter one another and in many cases, the other is completely asleep in comparison. The awoken twin will reconnect the other and serve as a conduit to the higher levels of consciousness, effectively activating the other. In turn, the conduit twin will feel reconnected themselves, but they aren’t actually retaining any of it and are instead letting flow straight to the other person.

The awakening phase is great, but unfortunately this is also when the real work starts, not when it ends.

In order for both twins to be capable of having a functional relationship, whether with each other or with anyone else, they have to undergo the process of peeling back layers of ego and trauma. Since ego usually covers trauma, it doesn’t not come away easily or willingly. It’s a survival mechanism and one which has probably served its purpose up until now.

You Need to be Enough on Your Own

Think about it: if you continue to obsess over this other person after separation, are you likely to be an interesting and well-rounded individual with something to bring to the table in a relationship, or are you a pit of need?

A strong “connection” is not the basis for a great relationship.

Hear me out: if you attach too much significance to the label of a Twin Flame and therefore that other person, you will be willing to put up with too much crap from them because you believe that the connection cannot be replaced. You might be correct, but does that make it the right connection?

Do you really want to be in a state of needing someone for the rest of your life? Do you really want to be in a position where you cannot stand up for yourself if they don’t treat you well? Because I can guarantee that if you are incapable of walking away or letting them go fully, you will have no personal power and the dynamic will devolve into toxicity.

This is where the runner/chaser dynamic starts; because one person knows that the other is a complete doormat which they can take for granted and the other is so codependent that they can’t let it go.

How to Become a Complete Circuit

So how is this actually done? What are some practical steps to breaking love-addiction and become a whole person who is no longer leaking energy to others?

First of all, you need to allow yourself to grieve the loss of all your attachments and expectations. You will have placed hopes and dreams in the idea of this person and possibly believed that destiny will fulfill all your needs without requiring you to do some very hard things.

Now you need to do some very hard things: stop checking up on them, stop watching tarot in the hopes there will be a sign that they’ll come back to save you from your misery, and stop buying into the notion that a sign means what you think it means.

Yes, the universe will send nudges to tell you that this is your path, but part of that path might be a crumbling away of things you’re holding tightly to like a security blanket.

Let it go.

Instead, find things to occupy that obsessive, chemically dependent brain of yours like a creative endeavour. One of the first things to go when you’re in a toxic relationship which has you on a roller-coaster of highs and lows is your creative streak.

Why is that?

Because you can’t be creative when you’re in survival mode.

If a relationship is activating the 3 lower chakras and your heart is shutting down for self-preservation, you will be cut off from the expansive upper chakras which draw down inspiration and channel creative energy.

A stress-based relationship gives you butterflies for a reason and it isn’t the one we’re constantly taught. This is your gut saying that your basic needs are under threat and you should be looking for safety. Instead, we often look for that safety in the very thing which created the stress in the first place.

You’re in fear of being rejected, abandoned or having love withheld. It’s a fear-based relationship.

That’s why you need to be able to fulfill that love within yourself. Then, when you meet someone worthwhile, you’ll have lots to offer and if they aren’t interested or if they don’t reciprocate and meet you halfway, you have the ability to move on.

Replace need with allowing.

Replace expectations with expansiveness.

If you find a relationship which gives you the space to open up and expand your life, instead of contracting down into survival, this is one to take a chance on. You don’t need to know where it’s going, how long you’ll be together, or what they’re going to do for you because you’re good as you are.

Just let the relationship unfold as it happens and appreciate the other person for who they are instead of trying to make them into who you would like them to be.

You don’t need a twin flame; you are the flame.