What you need to know if you’re on a Twin Flame journey, especially in the separation phase.
There are a lot of websites and videos which explore the Twin Flame dynamic and I guess I’m one of them. One of the signs which comes up frequently when people are trying to research what the hell is happening to them is the phenomenon of telepathy.
Even though it’s usually listed as a sign, and it is a very powerful thing to experience, it is by no means restricted to a Twin Flame relationship. Don’t worry though, I’m not here to say that you aren’t experiencing what you’re experiencing.
The one big sign that you have encountered your twin is that you’ll be confused as hell and trying to find answers because it is both a very strong connection and very volatile one (hence the label). I’ve heard all kinds of horror stories about where it can end up if the two people in question are not working on their respective issues and a lot of psychic readers will tell you it’s just a karmic partner etc.
Honestly, it doesn’t matter whether they’re karmic, twin or soul mate; every relationship happens to teach you more about love and about yourself. There is also no real hierarchy of which one is better than the other; they can all become detrimental if you fail to recognise the lessons and respond to them.
It’s also no a given that you’re supposed to be in a long-term relationship with your twin; it might be one of the most karmic encounters you can have and pretty short-lived, but if it propels you forward in your journey towards alchemising pain into experience, then it has served it’s purpose.
In terms of telepathy, there is a very significant reason why this happens and why it isn’t necessarily a good sign as many would imagine it to be.
Yes, it is a strong connection. Does the strength of a connection determine whether it’s healthy though?
Technically, if it did, trauma bonding would be the best sign of relationship success and we would all be aiming to experience Stockholm Syndrome with every partner.
In my experience, you can have telepathy with a variety of relationships and not always for the right reasons. For example, you can have a telepathic relationship with a parent if they enmeshed with you as a child. You can also have a telepathic relationship with any partner if you’re an open enough empath.
I once dated a guy who was absolutely the worst dude for me, but I have such an intense empath gift that when I heard my phone go off with a new message a year after we broke up, I still knew it was him.
Four years after cutting contact with my mother I knew she was thinking about making contact two weeks before she actually did.
This is not a sign that these people are supposed to be in my life, this is a sign that I either have a very strong gift, or I had very enmeshed relationships. Possibly both.
In psychology terms, enmeshment is a process of abuse done by parents to children and it breaches their boundaries in very fundamental ways.
Generally speaking, enmeshment happens in one of two ways, or a combinations of the two: Parentification & Emotional Incest
These can be very confronting ideas so I’ll explain how they work.
This is a dynamic where the parent abdicates their position of parent and places it on the shoulders of their child, demanding that the child look after them instead.
Because the roles are flipped, the parent gets to behave in very volatile and childish ways while the child has to mature and take responsibility in ways which they are not yet equipped to do.
As an example, I can remember holding “meetings” with my brother about how best we should handle our unstable mother at the ages of 8 and 14 respectively. It was kind of pointless though because she had all the adult capabilities of money and power of attorney so she could totally do reckless things whenever she wanted and then later blame us and dish out abuse.
This is similar to parentification in that the child is forced into a role they’re not equipped to take on, but in this instance it is as an emotional crutch and pseudo-partner for the parent.
No actual physical relationship takes place, but all of the emotional markers are there and it’s a level of intimacy which is considered to cross a significant line between parent and child.
Usually what it looks like is a parent complaining about their partner to the child or sharing stories about their sex life. It can also be a case of walking around naked in front of the child or insisting that the parent is allowed to see them naked past an age where this is necessary.
Both of these cross barriers in the psyche of the child and leave them vulnerable to further breaches in other relationships because it blurs the line between where one person ends and the other person begins.
Of all the twin dynamics I have seen, all of them have been codependent in some way. This is understandable if you consider that a natural twin would be easily confused about where the line is that separates them from the other person. The energetic frequency is too similar, which is why that person feels like home straight away.
Because of the instant bond, a lot of twins fall into an intense relationship almost off the bat. Unlike a balanced and healthy dynamic of proceeding with caution, they’re often guilty of love-bombing which creates a chemical dependency known as love addiction.
There’s a level of dopamine rewards in your brain which is optimal in a relationship and it’s there to ensure that you shut down (to a certain extent) the logical brain so that you will procreate. Evolution has made sure that we don’t overthink it too much.
This dopamine dependency is such a rush that it makes you addicted to that person. How do I know this is true? Because if you’re reading this, you have probably felt like you were going to die without that person in your life and you will be engaging in all sorts of junkie-like behaviours such as stalking their social media, pleading with them to stay or come back, and watching copious amounts of YouTube tarot readings.
You’re a goddamn crack-ho.
But it’s ok, because you can break the addiction and potentially have a great relationship later on (but not necessarily with your TF).
One of the reasons I believe Twin Flames (TF) end up in enmeshed relationships at first (don’t forget you can totally heal past this point in the separation phase) is that the connection is already established from having shared an over-soul of origin. Rather like actual birth twins, sharing that space during your genesis creates a bond at an energetic level rather like quantum entanglement.
Unlike a lot of the theory out there (and please remember; this is ALL theory because no one actually knows anything at all except their subjective experience) I believe that this entanglement can be either reduced or even severed.
One of the reasons I think this is possible is due to the idea that empaths tend to leak energy (so to speak). They’re an open circuit which means that energy tends to flow through them and straight into other people rather than staying within their own closed system.
They’re also highly receptive of other people which is why they absorb so much emotional off-gassing in public spaces.
This ability to be a conduit is both a gift and a curse because it can be used in very powerful ways or the empath themselves can just end up used. The person in possession of the gift needs to be the one in control of it’s use and not allow others to take over.
For TF’s usually one of them is already on a spiritual journey when they encounter one another and in many cases, the other is completely asleep in comparison. The awoken twin will reconnect the other and serve as a conduit to the higher levels of consciousness, effectively activating the other. In turn, the conduit twin will feel reconnected themselves, but they aren’t actually retaining any of it and are instead letting flow straight to the other person.
The awakening phase is great, but unfortunately this is also when the real work starts, not when it ends.
In order for both twins to be capable of having a functional relationship, whether with each other or with anyone else, they have to undergo the process of peeling back layers of ego and trauma. Since ego usually covers trauma, it doesn’t not come away easily or willingly. It’s a survival mechanism and one which has probably served its purpose up until now.
Think about it: if you continue to obsess over this other person after separation, are you likely to be an interesting and well-rounded individual with something to bring to the table in a relationship, or are you a pit of need?
A strong “connection” is not the basis for a great relationship.
Hear me out: if you attach too much significance to the label of a Twin Flame and therefore that other person, you will be willing to put up with too much crap from them because you believe that the connection cannot be replaced. You might be correct, but does that make it the right connection?
Do you really want to be in a state of needing someone for the rest of your life? Do you really want to be in a position where you cannot stand up for yourself if they don’t treat you well? Because I can guarantee that if you are incapable of walking away or letting them go fully, you will have no personal power and the dynamic will devolve into toxicity.
This is where the runner/chaser dynamic starts; because one person knows that the other is a complete doormat which they can take for granted and the other is so codependent that they can’t let it go.
So how is this actually done? What are some practical steps to breaking love-addiction and become a whole person who is no longer leaking energy to others?
First of all, you need to allow yourself to grieve the loss of all your attachments and expectations. You will have placed hopes and dreams in the idea of this person and possibly believed that destiny will fulfill all your needs without requiring you to do some very hard things.
Now you need to do some very hard things: stop checking up on them, stop watching tarot in the hopes there will be a sign that they’ll come back to save you from your misery, and stop buying into the notion that a sign means what you think it means.
Yes, the universe will send nudges to tell you that this is your path, but part of that path might be a crumbling away of things you’re holding tightly to like a security blanket.
Let it go.
Instead, find things to occupy that obsessive, chemically dependent brain of yours like a creative endeavour. One of the first things to go when you’re in a toxic relationship which has you on a roller-coaster of highs and lows is your creative streak.
Why is that?
Because you can’t be creative when you’re in survival mode.
If a relationship is activating the 3 lower chakras and your heart is shutting down for self-preservation, you will be cut off from the expansive upper chakras which draw down inspiration and channel creative energy.
A stress-based relationship gives you butterflies for a reason and it isn’t the one we’re constantly taught. This is your gut saying that your basic needs are under threat and you should be looking for safety. Instead, we often look for that safety in the very thing which created the stress in the first place.
You’re in fear of being rejected, abandoned or having love withheld. It’s a fear-based relationship.
That’s why you need to be able to fulfill that love within yourself. Then, when you meet someone worthwhile, you’ll have lots to offer and if they aren’t interested or if they don’t reciprocate and meet you halfway, you have the ability to move on.
Replace need with allowing.
Replace expectations with expansiveness.
If you find a relationship which gives you the space to open up and expand your life, instead of contracting down into survival, this is one to take a chance on. You don’t need to know where it’s going, how long you’ll be together, or what they’re going to do for you because you’re good as you are.
Just let the relationship unfold as it happens and appreciate the other person for who they are instead of trying to make them into who you would like them to be.
You don’t need a twin flame; you are the flame.