We all want real love in this lifetime, but how do you sort out the real from the fake? And how do you move on if it isn’t going to be true love for you?
There are 5 key indicators that you have true love in your hands which you can use to figure out where a relationship is going and if it’s going to last for the future.
This one can be confusing, as we easily convince ourselves that the best thing for another person is to be as far away from us as possible. This is when we’re operating from shame, fear of rejection, and martyr mentality.
Ask yourself; Do you want to be there for them and love them in a way which fulfils you both emotionally, and do you feel that they are stepping up to be that person for you?
Both of you have to be ready and willing to be that emotional support and care for one another without being martyrs, or being stingy and mean to one another. This isn’t just a feeling, this is a decision which then requires active engagement from both sides.
Contrary to what Hollywood tells us about love, true love does not stress you out or make you feel miserable. It should actually feel calm and centred rather than full of extreme highs and lows.
There’s nothing wrong with butterflies, or feeling excitement about seeing someone, but when it gets to the level of stress-sweating about what they think of you, that’s a problem.
There’s a misconception about the heart, which is (again) the opposite of what we’re always told about love. The heart does not respond to true love in an erratic and overly emotional way. It’s considered an emotional organ, but the reality is that truth from your heart is always calm and neutral in nature.
It doesn’t overthink things, or reason, or create elaborate scenarios. It just knows it’s own truth and that’s that.
You can argue with your own heart as much as you like, but in the end you’ll always have to listen to it. It might be telling you that “this is real” and to ignore the reasoning as to why it won’t work, or it may be telling you that “this is not real” and you’ll try to kid yourself that you’re just imagining things.
However long it takes you to finally listen to the truth in your heart is how long it will take you to leave a toxic situation, or take a leap of faith towards someone who means a lot to you. Try not to waste too much time resisting the hard truths, even if they hurt for a while.
Your heart loves you unconditionally and will only ever be honest with you because it wants what’s best for you, even if that feels painful for a while.
When we ignore the heart is when we can end up with physical ailments which defy explanation, like when I had hypertension in my 20’s because I was staying in a toxic relationship. Your body will resist your free will if it’s something which is bad for you.
You need to listen to that.
Your true love should be a sanctuary for you to go to when the world is a tough place.
A loving partnership should create a safe space for both people to be themselves without judgement or condemnation. It should be where you come together to feel at peace and to feel supported in life.
We all have to put on a brave face in this world, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We also sometimes have to be the strong one for our partner when they’re unable to do it for themselves.
Like anything in a relationship, this should be reciprocal.
You might have to be stoic and dependable all day, but when you come home, you should be able to show your partner when you’re struggling and know that they’ll love you through the ups and downs of life, like the ultimate teammate.
Some relationships seem to be based on a tit-for-tat conflict where one or both people are always looking for ways to cut the other one down.
That isn’t to say that your true love can’t inadvertently trigger you. We all have wounds from previous experience, whether its our parental relationships or past love relationships, they can leave us scarred and traumatised.
You need to check-in with yourself and ask; “is this person actively trying to hurt me, or am I anticipating the hurt based on past trauma?”
The answer to this question will determine whether the other person is actually toxic, or if you’re operating from fear patterns which you have learned and need to deal with in yourself.
You’ll know if this person is your true love because questioning how they feel or how you feel doesn’t really cross your mind. You know that they love you, no matter what.
This isn’t to say that other people or your own thoughts can’t have you running a negative loop inside your head. This is more to do with checking into your heart and asking yourself; “is this person really like that, or am I just driving myself crazy?”
If you come back to the truth that this other person isn’t rejecting or abandoning you, but simply living within healthy boundaries and being themselves, then you need to examine why you’re in your head so much.
Have you been listening to bad advice from other people? Have you been listening to negative feedback from people who don’t have your best interests at heart? Are you operating from fear and engaging self-protection lockdown to avoid being hurt and therefore avoiding true intimacy?
These are all big questions, but their answers will be found within your own heart if you take the time to be still and tap into it.
Do all of these signs seem daunting to you? Are they potentially confronting a lot of fear and traumas that you may have been avoiding?
The signs of true love should challenge you, because real love is a responsibility. It’s a responsibility to your own highest and greatest good as well as to the other person.
You can’t afford to respond from fear or closing off your heart because a real connection requires vulnerability. Vulnerability is always a risk, but it’s one that sorts superficial relationships from deeper ones and can transform a previously shallow connection into one where you both experience incredible fulfillment.
To learn more about tapping into your heart for the truth, book an Intuitive Coaching session with Louisa.